Tales from The Trenches Archive

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Happy Little Trees

I’ve been working in the Software Test Industry for numerous years, and been witness to the some of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows in humanity because of such. That said it was during the first six weeks of my tenure at a very large and well known game studio that I witnessed what I like to call my “Thrice Trumped” stories of raising the bar.

The first happened during my very first week at the company. On my lunch break I had the misfortune of entering the bathroom to see what appeared to be a murder scene. Blood coated the floor, the walls and was splashed all along the stall walls. Rumor has it that someone just had a serious nose bleed and never cleaned up after themselves. Which would explain why they were missing the next day, and a new fresh faced worker was in his place.

The second and third happened during my last week there, and had the convenience of happening on the same day. The morning starts off with a hallway covered in vomit, someone had not made it the door, and much like the first incident they didn’t bother to try and clean up their mess. A meeting was called to discuss hygiene and appropriate handling of incidents of that nature. A crime most foul indeed, but nowhere near what greeted us all later that afternoon.

Happy Little Trees. That’s the only way to accurately explain the poo-artistry that coated the bathroom walls. Someone had spread fecal matter all over the bathroom walls and created a scene the likes of which Bob Ross would have been proud of. There was a valley with a stream with trees that overlooked it and pea nutty clouds in the sky. A true master’s work in the medium, I’m sure.

I put in my resignation later that afternoon and never looked back.